I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
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There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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