I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
