hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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