just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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