I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
