is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
