so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
