dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
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I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
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She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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