sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
