sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
