Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
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I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
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Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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