seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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