I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
