Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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