yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
