I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize