Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Randomize
