It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
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He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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