So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
