you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
i think i just lost a toe
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
