Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
