I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
