someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
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And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
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Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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