Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
