I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize