Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize