Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
