Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
