Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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