I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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