how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
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I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
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the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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