the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
