She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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