Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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