just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
