Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
