i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
