i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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