I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
