Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
