you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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