all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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