No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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