i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
