my cup is half full, half full of rum.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
