I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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