does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
