dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
