she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
