I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
