I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
