Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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