My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
only you would photoshop your dick
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
