I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
