Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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