Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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