He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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