What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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