o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
