its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
